How many of us say our marriage comes before any and everything, but our actions show something completely different? It’s okay, be honest, there is no judgment here. Bini and I are pros at this. I think it’s because we know we will always be here for each other, so somewhere between having children, building businesses and growing a career, our marriage got placed after everything that life threw at us.
Last year for the first time in our 20-year relationship, Bini and I wrote our marriage goals together (instead of writing them out separately and sharing later). I wrote all about why we did it this way and even listed out some of our goals here. I loved hearing where Bini was coming from and listening to what he wanted for our marriage. While we didn’t agree on everything, we did come up with key points that we both knew we had to work on.
For the first couple of months, everything was going well- we were following our goals, checking in on each other, and things looked good. However, like most goals that are not held to higher standards, our marriage goals started to fade away the minute LIFE happened, and more essential situations occurred. One would think there could be nothing more important than your marriage, and that sounds so good to hear and say, but reality has a mean way of showing you otherwise. For example, one of our biggest goals were to incorporate more date nights into our routine.This is something we strive to do every year, and well somehow it never gets done the way we plan it.
We are both very busy people, he has his work, I have mine, throw in three cute kids, and traveling to the mix, and well, your marriage goals go from significant to as needed. We began to focus on fixing life’s battles that were right in front of us (regardless of size) instead of focusing on the bigger picture. This led to us forgetting what we thought were small insufficient details, but when added together started becoming bigger and bigger and taking a life of its own. Then came in the drama of miscommunication and bitterness because of it.
It took me reflecting on my faults and looking past my ego to see what I had done to affect every situation I was now complaining to my husband about. It took me being intentional with myself!
How many people can honestly say that they look past their ego and reflect on their own faults, though? I’ll tell you, not a whole LOT, because we always want to be right. We let our pride take over and cloud our judgment.
I now understand why our date night goal and other marriage goals we made did not get achieved. It is because we were never intentional with our goal! If we had been, then nothing and I do mean NOTHING would have prevented us from going out 2 times a month and spending more time together. Had we gone on those dates, we would have talked more which would have led to better communication and less bitterness. See how everything is so connected. One small action can lead to big disasters or vice versa.
All this is pretty simple to say/read but boy oh boy is it HARD to practice. Now, I’m no expert on relationships or love for that matter, but, I do know that I love me some Bini, even with all his flaws and if reflecting on my weaknesses and being more intentional about our marriage can help me be a better wife than I’ll do it over and over again.
So, my friend, if you’re reading this today and thinking, “Shit. this is my life right here, but if their goal setting didn’t work in 2019, what makes them think it will work in 2020?” Think about this:
How many times have you set goals and not been intentional with them? And, when you did that, what exactly happened to those goals? Did they get accomplished? I highly doubt it! Well, this is your chance to change everything from your marriage to your business to the way you look at life. BE INTENTIONAL with everything you do!
Reflect on your life every day, and when life throws you a curveball and wants you to go on a different path, do it while still holding on to the promise/goals you made yourself. This will be extremely hard! Shoot, I only lasted a few months last year, but I do know that the things I was intentional on, I accomplished, and even went above and beyond my original goals. That’s what I will do this year for my relationship and every year from now. I can’t wait to share this journey with you!
As always, I hope this blog helps you or someone you know. I’d love to hear from you. Make sure to leave your feedback in the comments section below on how you tend to stay intentional in 2020 when it comes to your relationship and your life in general.