Why is apologizing so difficult? What is it about saying “I’m Sorry” especially in relationships that has people so worked up? Is it ego, pride, shame, defeat, or simply plain ol’ stubbornness?
I love a person that can admit their faults and move on! Saying I’m sorry is so powerful and shows just how much you care for someone, BUT you have to mean it when you say it. Simply stating you’re sorry while having no intention of changing your behavior or understanding what you did to apologize in the first place is pointless.
Too often in relationships, people are apologizing for the simple fact that they do not want to argue or have a discussion about what happened. I think that’s horrible because it misleads your partner into believing that you understand him/her when, in fact, you don’t. Also, without you understanding your faults, the same issue is bound to happen again and again, so breaking the vicious cycle only occurs when you fully accept your mistake, learn from it and apologize from the heart.
Speaking from someone who has been known to take ego and anger to a whole new level, believe me when I say holding your partner at fault and letting your pride kick in only brings YOU negative energy that you don’t need/want in your life.
Let me give you a clear example of just how powerful apologizing can be:
Bini and I recently got into a fight about his communication skills. He is currently away in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, and has been busy working on different projects. The work part, I totally understand, but him not communicating certain things with me or not being available, when I need to talk to him drove me crazy. Finally, I got to a point where not talking to him was better for my mindset (this was my ego taking over).
I decided to simply ignore him and go about my day because I hate the aftermath of our arguments. He typically tends to move on with his day as though nothing happened while I analyze the situation, which often leaves me upset/bothered, and those negative feelings carry on throughout my day. So where I would typically spend my day getting things done and kicking ass, after a fight I lose focus and things pretty much go south from there.
The problem with our recent fight was that one day of ignoring him led to another and another and before I knew it, we hadn’t talked for over a week. During this time, I kept thinking about him but never called, nor did I answer any of his calls. I was angry and disappointed and felt as though he just didn’t understand where I was coming from. I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine (again ego kicking in). After a week of no communication, he finally got a hold of me when he called the house and had my son pass me the phone (I wasn’t about to be petty in front of my kids LOL). Long story short, the first thing he said was “I’m Sorry”, and everything I had planned to say (which trust me, was a lot) went out the door. Him setting his ego aside, allowed me to do the same. It was like the fight never happened, I could hear the realness of his apology in his voice, and I knew he finally understood what I was going through and how bad I needed him to hear me out.
Now, I’m not telling you this story, so you can ignore your partner for a week to be heard. Please don’t do that!! I’m sharing it so that you can see how valuable our words really are, especially when it involves people we love. Always ensure your partner knows just how much they mean to you. Listen to them, so they know they are heard and understood, keep your ego in check, and when you are at fault, own your shit and APOLOGIZE. Life is too short to do anything else!
I’m so thankful that I’ve reached a point in my life where positive vibes always triumph over anything negative even if I feel like I’m losing someway; it’s better for me to stay positive through it all.
I hope this blog helps you or someone you know. As always, I’d love to hear from you. How do you handle conflict with your partner? Are you quick to accept responsibility, or do you let your pride kick in? Leave your comments in the comment section below.