Relationship

Supporting your Spouse’s Dreams

We all have these crazy dreams of what we want our future to look like, right? 

Some want to be doctors, lawyers, teachers, the President… I mean the list is endless. Question is…how many of us follow that dream and how many get sidetracked by life?

I have always been a dreamer and a planner. I knew what I wanted my future to look like at 17 years old and I mapped it out. Weird I know, but I grew up always wanting the same thing. Of course, I’d fall for a boy that had dreams even bigger than mine.

Circa 2001
As teenagers, Bini and I dreamt big and would talk for hours on the phone about those dreams, our goals, and about how much we missed each other (even though we were just together hours before). We were friends first, then lovers, so I got to see a side of him that many don’t know. His drive, his passion, his slick ways to get out of conflict, is what really pulled me to him and those are still some of my favorite traits today.

Over the years, I got to witness a boy become a man. To me, he is the embodiment of greatness in everything he does, and I am proud to be his wife. To stand by his side and support him through every business endeavor (successful or not), listen to every problem and help come up with a solution, or go through endless proposals and make edits during the middle of the night. I do it all now while still working my full time job and taking care of our kids because I believe in HIM and his dreams! It wasn’t always like this though.

Our VCU days... circa 2005

For years, I hated his career and all the hours he spent at work. I couldn’t stand that he didn’t have a fixed schedule and was always uncertain about planning dates because work could come up. I didn’t support his passions and dreams which made us distant because he couldn’t share his joy with me. The only thing we really talked about during those years were our children. There were times where I felt like I was a single parent raising the kids alone because he was always too busy for them or me. Communication was terrible during this time, because to him I was always complaining and yet to me, it felt like he didn’t care for anything I had to say. I like to call these days “the dark days”. 

Early Marriage Days... circa 2010

Looking back now, I was honestly holding this man back from his true potential by not looking at the bigger picture and only focusing on the current situation. It took us almost getting a divorce to get out of those dark days. Now and then, when I feel them creeping up again, I make an extra effort to pull us out of it by communicating with him in terms he would understand. There are always new challenges that pop up in our busy lives and through communication and dealing with them together we get so much more done effortlessly than before.

Dubai...circa 2013

Men just aren't built the way we are, they don't think like us, they don't understand our needs and wants without us S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G it out for them (nicely without fighting). It took me years to finally understand this concept.

Today, Bini is a successful businessman in his own right. He is good at what he does and has the passion for it. When I decided to launch the blog and start sharing my journey to help inspire and empower other women, he was all for it. He supported me through it all and helped me whenever I asked for it. I knew he loved me because as private as he was, he didn’t mind me posting pictures of him on the blog and telling our story (even though it’s not perfect). His business partners, his employees, his friends and family, everyone reads these blog posts, and the man didn’t mind me writing about our personal lives. 

I think that’s what made me fully realize how selfish I was by not supporting him all those years. I knew I was wrong years ago but never understood the degree of damage I created by expecting Bini to become someone he wasn’t. He put his personal feelings aside though for me and supported me even when he wasn’t comfortable with my plans.

All this is to say:

If your partner has a dream or a goal that he/she is working towards, don’t stop them from being great. Don’t let your ego or pride come in between you and your spouse.  Push them instead! Keep reminding them of that dream and be that driving force in their life. Support them in any way you can. Regardless of how the relationship ends up, be that positive light for them because maybe God placed you in that relationship for that exact reason. Don’t do what I did and fight your spouse because of his/her dream, instead, help him/her with it. Support them with everything you have, and you will see great things coming your way. Be a team instead of two opposite players on a field. Together you can conquer it all! I promise you, if you try this approach to your relationship, things that used to upset you will seem so much more tolerable and the bond you two share will grow.

Christmas with the Tesfaye's 2016

I hope this helps you or someone you know. As always, I’d love to hear from you. What challenges are you facing to support your spouse’s dreams? What did you learn?

Until Next Week.

Yours,

about me

Luwam
A program analyst by day and a blogger by night; my love of fitness, healthy living, and empowering other women started...

keep in touch

newsletter

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

instagram