It’s only natural to ask how the person is doing, what they are up to these days and anything else we feel the need to know.
Well, a couple of months ago, I ran into someone I knew from high school at a local hair salon, and we started talking about where we currently are in life. She told me she was moving in with her significant other and would love if I wrote a blog with any advice for her because she was nervous as heck. So this post is for her and anyone else, who is thinking of moving in with their partner, just moved in or has lived together for years (a refresher never hurt nobody).
Moving in together is a huge step at any point in the relationship. It feels like “shit just got real” when you’re signing a lease together or moving boxes into a shared space, and it did just get real because up until that moment you both had separate lives that are now becoming one. BUT… don’t freak out; it’s a good thing! You are moving in with this person because you love him/her right? This is the person you want to wake up to in the morning and go to sleep with at night.
All my married ladies, I'm sure you all remember when you had your “Oh My God… Am I Really Doing This” moment- where you had to sit down and think about what the heck was happening. I was 22 when Bini and I officially moved in together. I remember packing my stuff with my old roommate and thinking…
“Am I seriously going to move in with this dude? What if we break up? What if we get bored with each other? What if he is a slob that pretends to clean up after himself? How different is this going to be anyway? He is always at my house now, but then again... my house and our house are two different things”
The conversation in my head was crazy! LOL! The funny part was Bini was actually my landlord in college, and YES he still charged me rent.
The point here is that it’s perfectly normal to be nervous and excited at the same time. It’s normal to have tons of questions popping up in your head on how it’s all going to play out. We all went through the same exact feelings. I think I was most worried about losing interest in Bini after we moved in together. You know, I didn’t want to get too comfortable, and then we become more like roommates than an actual couple.
To calm some of your nerves, I’ve come up with five tips to remember when moving in with your significant other.
You aren’t roommates; you’re lovers! Just because you live together doesn’t mean you let yourself and the relationship go. Look decent in the house. This is all to my habesha ladies, don’t keep your head wrap on all day and wear mismatch socks. You know who you are! I know we like to be comfortable in the house and we can still look good and comfortable.
Still date – go out and do things together like romantic dinners, bowling or catch a movie. You can even have a fun date night at home to save money. For more on dating check out my blog post- Making Date Night Work for Us.
This is a great time to let go of all the stuff you were holding on to that you knew deep down you didn’t need. You know, the blender that barely works or the clothes/shoes that you almost never wear (refer to tip #1). Let it all go! You’re starting a fresh new life, so don’t bring un-necessary baggage.
Think about it... before moving in together, you had your own space, right? And I’m sure you cherished the time with your significant other even more because you weren’t always together. Well; giving each other space helps keep the moments you do spend together valuable. Also, just because you move in together doesn’t mean you should ALWAYS be together. You need to take time to maintain your individual life and interests to not lose yourself in the relationship.
If you’re a control freak like me-this will be VERY HARD, but it’s doable. One thing I’ve learned to do over the years is to highlight Bini’s strong qualities and let him do those things around the house. That way we each have roles, and we can “stay in our lines and do not complain.” Trust me, you cannot handle it all and why should you? By dividing responsibilities, everyone knows what they are supposed to do, and it all gets done, which ultimately means less time spent arguing on silly stuff.
I think as females we tend to over think things way more then we should! The smallest issue can become the biggest deal in our heads, and then we blow things way out of proportion. Your partner is bound to piss you off from time to time, especially in the first couple of months since you are just getting to know each other under the same roof. Don’t let small matters turn into big deal if they don’t have too. Enjoy your time together instead of fighting and try to be the bigger person. It helps in the long run.
I hope this helps you or someone you know. As always, I’d love to hear from you.